but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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