I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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