Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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