I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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