smell my finger.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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