Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
