Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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