Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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