i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
