dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
