the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
