Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize