dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
