we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
