OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
