Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
