Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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