So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you win again, gameday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
