I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
