I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
