Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
