I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
