I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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