There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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