i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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