I'm really into asian looking animals
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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