I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
