I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
