well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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