I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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