My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So vagazzling was a success
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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