Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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