Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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