it hurts more in the daytime
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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