Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
