look no pants
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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