Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
