you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
