i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
