i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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