your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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