You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
