he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
