there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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