First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
