p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
