My hand turned me down
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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