my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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