This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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