So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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