the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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