Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
