i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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