His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
