Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
