apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
