he wants to bone in the snuggie
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
