I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
