I'm so fucking centered right now
no, he came in my armpit
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
