Heybabeimwearingurpanties
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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